If you have ever been pregnant after a loss, perhaps you can relate to this list of things I feel when I get pregnant. I have a negative RH blood type meaning whenever I get pregnant with a positive RH baby, my blood starts to fight the baby and kill it before I know it. I found this list a long time ago and decided I wanted to post it now. Perhaps someone can relate to this list of things:
1. Cry. Because you have another chance. Because you’re scared. Because you’re happy. Because you’re hormonal.
2. Pray. Because you realize you have no more control over this pregnancy but God does, and you desperately want this baby to live.
4. Worry. About if this baby will live. About whether or not the baby has moved enough.
5. Count the days to the next milestone, the next appointment, the next time you get to hear the heartbeat so that you can relax until the next appointment is getting closer
7. Decide whether to tell people early (to have support in case the baby dies, to celebrate every minute that you have, etc.) or to hide from the world so you can avoid all of the questions and advice givers.
8. Think carefully about how to answer the question, “Is this your first?”
9. Feel guilty for any negative, complaining thought whatsoever, whether it is an achy back or trouble sleeping or swollen feet or disappointment with your baby’s gender because you said that all you wanted was a healthy baby so why are you complaining?
10. Remember what season it was in your first pregnancy when you were at the stage that you are now.
11. Wonder what kind of older sibling your baby would have been.
12. Exhale when your living baby is born and cries for the first time. Go ahead. You’ve been holding your breath for the last nine months at least.